Amsterdam

I'm leaving for Amsterdam next week, and I doubt I'll be writing till I get back to NY in the beginning of October. Most of you know I am going over for a friends wedding, I'm very excited for him and also for myself, it will be nice to be in Amsterdam . This time I just want to hang, relax and live like a native. I am switching apartments, that will also be interesting.

My partner is going through some really troublesome drama on the job, it might mean having to look for another job. Naturally I just want to drop in there and fix it, but at least I realize that I can't do that. I'm just very uneasy for JMP, he's been through alot lately, and really this is all out of his control. I have to beleive that it will work out and that he will probably end up with something better than he already has.

How's retirement? I am not sure, right now I feel like I'm on vacation, ask me again after I'm back from Amsterdam. I did go away for an orientation weekend, and had to remind myself that I was no longer "in charge" but only an hourly, letting go has never been easy. One thing I have learned and that's that I dopn't want to schedule anything before noon, that is my time exclusively for myself, and I have been enjoying it. But my life is indeed different. Sadie the cat is happy to have me around(I think).

H J F

Just back from a weekend in Tarrytown New York, an orientation for new students, who I will be working with part time. I needed to remind myslf I was an hourly employee and not the Director, it wasn't my show. This is something I have to keep in mind. My colleagues have been wonderful, supportive and loving, I am one lucky man. My partner was supposed to fly in, but illness kept him away, I know I would have had a better time if he was there.

In I week I go to Amsterdam for two weeks, and that will be great fun. A good friend of mine will be married, it will be quite special to be there at this time to witness the occasion.

I have to remember what a colleague told me this weekend and that is that I must remain H J F, translation Happy, Joyous and Free. How does retirement feel, not sure yet, it still feels like I am on vacation, and I really have been enjoying it. Pink cloud or not, I don't care.

When I get back to NY i"ll fly up to Buffalo to help my partnet with his long anticipated move into his new apartment. I know he can't wait to have his own place, his is a model of patience. When that is done then I'll really start my retirement schedule, but all of this activity has been an excellent beginning. I need also to remember that I decide how I feel and how I react to situations, that is perhaps the lesson of a lifetime for me.

Free at last......

It's been too much time since my last post, but I've had so much trouble logging on previously. My "Dad" reminded me that I haven't written and it was time.

Well I am RETIRED. I was given a lunch at school and a private party for some colleagues and good friends off campus. After the luncheon on Friday, I came home, laid down on the floor and cried, to say I was depressed would be an understatement. I told my partner that I didn't want to go to the party on Saturday night, but he encouraged me to go. I had a gin and tonic and that helped me over the rough spot so to speak. I was overwhelmed with the the general tone of love and warmth, I really felt enveloped by it. Even the food was good and up to my lofty standards.

I received a few gifts and a beautiful Tiffany cock from my colleagues, with this inscription "From the Office of ....,Great Colleague, Better Friend, Happy Retirement.
I was more than touched. For someone who has felt "less then" for most of his life, this was really an amazing thing to happen, peopole validating me, and expressing their love.

We went to Providence for the weekend, just to get away, and we had a great time. Lately any time I spend with my partner seems too be just about perfect. I guess we are kind of yin and yang with each other.


I acknowledged publically at the dinner about being a lucky man, having my partner in my life, being cancer free for 3 years, and having the love and support of all my friends.

Surprise, so far I have ben enjoying my unstructured time. Running in the a.m., coffee with friends, off to the gym for a workout, steam and shower and then to the New York Times...what a great way to start an unhurried day. I decided any apointments that I have to make will be after noon !!!! That is a change. My partner if he's reading this is probably laughing to himself about what a "Bad" influence he has been.

I promise to write more shortly. I always assume no one reads this and am so surprised when someone comments on it.

Leaving this wknd for Tarrytoiwn for a student orientation all wknd, I'm doing this so the students will get to know me and I them. These are the people that I'll be working with on Saturday's.