Friday, July 18, 2008


I was reminded today of something I have taken for granted, my friends. I am blessed with having them. My life would not be complete nor happy without them. I got this awareness today when I was talking with my friend D.C., I don't know where or when he got so smart, but he always amazes me with his insight and his love. I remember very clearly the day I met him and actually said hello, I was scared out of my mind. Hmmm fear could have kept me from knowing this friend/angel/mentor, what a loss it would have been for me. There's a lesson here, something about walking through your fear and witholding judgement. Sometimes I think of him as a father or an older brother(he is actually younger). He is the type of friend that knows and accepts me for who I am. There are times that I am stunned that we can be so alike. As I said I am blessed. It's hard for me to hear positive things about myself, I hope he can hear this !

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Papers please....

Yesterday I submitted my paperwork for retirement, so this is no longer a fantasy of mine, it's actually for real. I was surprised at the amount of emtion that I felt when I was talking with the Dean about this. I guess after 40 years there is real attachment. I sent an e mail to selected colleagues telling them about the retirement and I was quite blown away by the responses I received. Some people called and left voice messages, where they were actually crying. Some people thought I was joking and others took the time to write me and tell me how much they would miss me. I was surprised that I had that much influence on so many people, it was touching and also very sad for me. I am actually I got through the day, although I was near tears all day. This processing will go on, but I am fortunate to realize that this is a process. Sadly I know people that haven't a clue at all about themselves or even how they feel.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

letting go.....or trying to...

I'm embarrassed that it's taken me so long to get back to this blog, but it's only evidence that I have been a busy little bee with the upcoming retirement. I plan to give my notice next week on the 15th. With all the planning and preparation I have to admit, when it comes right down to actually doing the deed, it's gets a little scary. Putting one foot ahead of the other I am just moving ahead.

The museum where I'll be doing docent work has issued me an ID card, that's pretty exciting. I was surprised to learn that museums have reciprocity with museums all over the country and the world, so I'll now be able to get in without paying admission, something I will enjoy.

The meditation is moving along and I have really been enjoying Sharon Saltzberg, she gave her last lecture last night so I'll probably see her again in September when she comes back to New York. Letting go has never been easy for me, but I think it will be come easier.

Two individuals from my past that I haven't had contact with for at least five years, I originally cut the relationships off. I reached out to both men. The relationships were powerful for me both in the good register and the bad register. I am pleased that they both responded favorably to meeting for a coffee or lunch . I feel that I have grown, hopefully they have grown too ! It really is not easy to let go of friendships with people that you have history with and that you actually liked. The trick is for me NOT to pick up where we left off but to get beyond that. I met with C.F. for lunch yesterday it went well and I was able to not lose myself or my identity. This is a very good thing, I knew if I couldn't keep my balance, it would be the last time we would have met. I am really glad he now has a partner, who btw I actually met that night at the Sharon Salzberg lecture.(Yes what a small world). I do miss J.P. After my little retirement dinner on August 29th we'll take a weekend together in Providence R.I., it should be fun and a nice change as well as a great way to start my new life.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

July 1 already.....

It's July already and I'm leaving the job on August 29th, time is really beginning to move fast. I did a meditation workshop again last night with Sharon Salzberg. I really like her alot, she works hard at getting us to relax and just remove judgement and meditate. I am getting quite sensitive, there was a man sitting next to me, that just was throwing off so much negative energy. During the meditation I said to myself he is going to run out of here at the break, and sure enough he did. One great benefit from group meditation is the shared energy.

Mt BF flew in for the weekend and it was so good to connect. People continually ask me to define or explain our relationship, and I just can't. For me that is a good thing....I am always ready to label and name, when I can't do that I consider it progress.

I've been trying to learn about Buddhism, it's really a very tough path to follow after being indoctrinated in obtaining possessions and creating attachments. I know I don't have to do it perfectly.(remember you head that here )